Education comes in all forms, especially as we age and hopefully mature. My days of taking courses in a formal institution are likely behind me, but I’m grateful that everyday life teaches me on an ongoing basis. Today I’m looking back over the decades, seeing how my view of family life and gender identity has evolved. I’ll start by saying I’m cisgender: by dictionary definition, my gender identity corresponds with the sex registered for me at birth (female).
Up until my forties, I was aware that – as far as I knew, at least – none of my family members or friends were gay. Up until then it was also rarely a topic of conversation in my circles. Then along came Ellen Degeneres, in the same decade, coming out publicly as a lesbian. The associated media coverage immediately negatively affected her professional career. Needless to say, we all know that her career rebounded remarkably well over time. Her public announcement has also been seen as having opened the door for other gays and lesbians to find the courage to live their authentic life.
As I entered my fifties, I married a man with three adult children. One of my step-daughters, who was divorced from her husband, anxiously met with us to tell us she was a lesbian. Others in the family were told before us, as she anticipated a negative reaction from her father. His reaction was to say that it was her being experimental; that it was likely a fad and that she would tire of it. However, he never stopped loving her, and accepted her female partners without prejudice. Twenty years later, she is married to another female, so it certainly was not a fad.
I’ll fast track now to my sixties. I learned of a local person who was giving educational sessions to various businesses and schools, to help people better understand gender and sexual diversity. As I am part of a team that arranges professional development webinars for teachers, I approached them to see if they would present for us. I attended two such sessions and, once again, expanded my knowledge of this ever evolving topic.
Fast track to this month, when I read a book, Love Lives Here: A Story of Thriving in a Transgender Family, written by Amanda Jetté Knox and published in 2019. The author has written a more recent book, One Sunny Afternoon: A Memoir of Trauma and Healing, which became available this month. My apologies to the author and the trans community, if I explain the concept in incorrect terms. I will do my best, but it’s a learning curve for me.
The author, assigned the gender of female at birth, married a person assigned the gender of male at birth, and together they had three children, with each child being assigned the gender of male at birth. The summary of the book reveals that the middle child comes out as trans and the father trans to female. It’s my assumption that the second book’s content covers the mother in their trans journey to male. Amanda Jetté Knox, the author, is now Rowan Jetté Knox. It may take a minute or two to absorb that complex picture.
I rarely read non-fiction books, and if I do, I tend to skip through them to get the gist of the content. I’m also someone who usually takes about a month to read a novel. After only two days I was one-third of the way through this book, reading every word. The writing style certainly held my attention, as did the content. After reading details of the gut wrenching struggle to come to terms with identifying and acknowledging their struggle with gender identity, it certainly was educational. I feel that this book gave me a better understanding of the complex issue of gender fluidity.
It’s one more step in my ongoing goal in life: to be more accepting of others who are different from me, and to lessen any tendency to be judgmental. I don’t begin to think that I can truly understand being transgender, but at least I will have a better appreciation of why someone might choose that difficult road in life. I’m hesitant but curious to know what other life lessons I’ll come across as I approach my next decade of life.
Where on Earth is Francine? 
What an significant journey you have taken yourself on, Francine. Bravo!
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